The Man I Want to Be Read online

  Not this time. Not tonight.

  Shaking off the tightness in her belly, she flagged down the bartender and ordered.

  Keeping her gaze forward, she addressed him. “Enough with the looks, Bryan. I’m not in the mood.”

  He propped an elbow on the bar and crossed a black boot over the other. “Wow, what a surprise.”

  She snapped a look at him. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

  He lazily raised one shoulder. “I can’t remember a time when you ever were in the mood.”

  Her mouth dropped open, then she snapped it shut. Fine, if he wanted to play that game. “Well, if I’d had something more impressive to get in the mood for…” Her gaze dropped to the front of his shorts, then back up to his eyes. “Maybe I would’ve taken advantage of it more often.”

  He pushed off the bar and got in her face. “Bullshit. My dick’s the one piece of me you never got enough of.”

  Kenna patted his chest, which was like petting a brick wall. After noticing she was doing the motion a little longer than necessary, she yanked her hand back. “Keep telling yourself that, sweetheart.”

  That knocked his cocky attitude down a bit. His features tensed as he glared at her. “Two minutes, Kenna. That’s all it’ll take to remind you.”

  “Aww, that’s right. I forgot how quick you are.”

  He stumbled over his words. “Tha-that’s not what I meant and you know it.”

  Kenna shrugged and turned to the bartender, who slid a vodka and lemonade toward her. She lifted her glass and gulped an unladylike amount.

  “Those days are long gone,” she said, grazing a pass over his abnormally large frame, and sniffed. “You had your chance and you blew it.”

  “As if I don’t already fucking know that,” he said.

  She gasped, glancing over at the guests who weren’t paying a bit of attention to their spat. “Watch your mouth.”

  He brought his face back down to hers, his blue eyes glittering. “Why? You used to love my filthy mouth.”

  She huffed a laugh, trying like hell not to remember just how true his statement was. God, the things that man used to do with his teeth, tongue, and lips. She involuntarily shuddered.

  Christ on a cracker, McCord. Get your shit together.

  “How long has it been, Bryan? Based on all the sexual innuendos, you’d think you’ve been without a woman in your bed for years.”

  He drew back. “You’re relentless tonight. What the hell has you in such a tizzy?”

  Another long sip, then, “I’m on edge.” Before he could comment that she was always on edge, she said, “More so than usual.”

  He turned green like he was going to throw up. “Just go eat some chocolate, take your Midol, and be on your way. I don’t wanna hear about it.”

  “What?” she asked. “I’m not on my period, you moron. I’m just frustrated.” When his eyebrows rose, she cut that shit off immediately. “Not like that. I’m really pissed, okay?”

  Finishing off the last of his beer, he slid the bottle to the back of the bar, then crossed his arms and looked at her. “All right. Let’s hear it?”

  A bark of bitter laughter exploded out of her. “Since when does Bryan Tyke do small talk? In fact, since when do you talk at all?”

  “It sounded like you needed someone to listen,” he grumbled. “Jesus, Kenna. I was just trying to help. But forget it. Enjoy your week.” He stepped away from the bar.

  She threw a hand out and touched his arm. Fire exploded on contact, making her snatch her hand back. God almighty, what the hell was that?

  He must have felt something, too, because he stopped and snapped a look down at the spot.

  “I’m sorry,” she said, getting a handle on herself. “It’s been a rough day.”

  Bryan glanced out across the sand, and she followed his gaze, finding Luke and Ash watching them with matching grins. Tyke said something under his breath and shook his head. He stepped back to the bar.

  “What’s going on?” he asked.

  She bit her bottom lip, debating. Telling him about her mom’s ring would be like pulling him into the past with her. She wasn’t prepared for that. The memories. He knew what that ring meant to her. To them. And if she couldn’t recover it…

  She wouldn’t think about that. Because she was going to get it back. No matter the cost.

  “I think someone’s been in my hotel room,” she said, keeping her voice even.

  He blinked twice, and then his nostrils flared. “What do mean?” His voice was eerily calm, quiet.

  “I…brought something important with me,” she clarified. “And I think someone stole it.”

  He straightened from his lounged position and cracked his neck, then his knuckles. “When?”

  She’d almost forgotten how formidable Bear could look when someone he cared about might be in danger. Not that she was someone he cared about anymore. But still. His reaction said something.

  “What did you notice?” he asked. “Do you think they broke in?”

  She released a long exhale, trying to calm her increased adrenaline. “Probably. I’m not a hundred percent sure, but yeah, I think so. It was right after the spa. I told Sam I’d meet her for lunch to talk about some final wedding details. I went back to my room to grab, uh, the item, and I noticed the door was ajar. There was a man walking farther down the hall at a fast pace. I called out to him, but he didn’t turn. Actually, he picked up speed, so I went after him. He vanished around the corner, and the doors to the elevator closed before I got a look at his face.”

  Concern and worry blew off of him in waves, so powerful it should’ve knocked her over. At his sides, Bear’s hands clasped in and out of fists. “I’m gonna ignore the fact that you went after this guy when the smarter thing would’ve been to alert someone. But since you did, tell me what he looked like from the back.”

  She huffed. “And I’m going to ignore the fact that you feel like you have some sort of rule over me.”

  He didn’t respond, instead he blinked slowly a few times in challenge.

  “This is stupid,” she said, backpedaling. This wasn’t any of his business. She didn’t even know why she’d said anything to him. “It probably wasn’t him. He could’ve been some random guy running to catch the elevator. I’m probably overreacting. Forget it.”

  He tipped his head to the side and quirked one eyebrow like, Seriously?

  “Yes, I’m serious,” she said. “He could’ve been anybody.”

  His mouth lifted into the hint of a sardonic smile. “You’ve always been a shit liar, Kenna. So let’s skip all the back and forth and get to the part where you tell me what he looked like.”

  Her shoulders drew down, knowing he wouldn’t relent until she told him. “Average height. Dark hair. Thin build. T-shirt, black shorts, and sandals. Nothing especially unique or distinguishing.”

  “Did you talk to anyone from the hotel about it?”

  She shook her head.

  “Why not?”

  “I was so worked up about what was taken, I wasn’t really thinking, I guess. And I’m still not sure if it was him.” That was a lie. She was fairly certain it was. She just didn’t want Bear going all macho man if she laid it on too thick.

  “Worked up, why?” he asked, his gaze drilling into hers as if he was trying to read her mind. “What do you think he took?”

  She almost said it. She wanted to. How easy it would be to lean on him. To share this intimate piece of herself. Just like she used to do when they were younger. He’d been her rock. There wasn’t anything they couldn’t tackle together. As one.

  But that was before he’d shattered her trust.

  Pulling a section of her hair over her shoulder, she toyed with the ends, giving herself a second to come up with something—anything else.

  “Kenna,” he warned. “What. Did. He. Take?”

  “It doesn’t matter.” She inhaled a huge gulp of her vodka lemonade, stalling.

  “You’re going
to tell me,” he said, lowering his voice, “or I’m going to march onto that stage and make a scene, looking for this guy.”

  The stage was lit up with spotlight and mic, as if waiting for someone to make an important announcement.

  “You wouldn’t,” she said in a low hiss.

  Try me, his expression said.

  He would. And it wouldn’t be fair to worry Sam, Ash, Luke, and Cassandra when they should be celebrating the happiest time in their lives.

  No, she was going to handle this quietly.

  “Bryan, please,” she pleaded. “I don’t want anyone else to know. Sam and Ash, Luke and Cassandra, they deserve their happy week. They don’t need to worry about this.”

  Some of the defiance in his eyes died. “Then tell me what he stole so I can find him.”

  She let out another choked laugh. “This is ridiculous. It doesn’t matter what he took. I just need to find him so I can get it back. And I don’t need your help to do it. I don’t even know why I told you. It’s none of your concern. It never was.”

  He hardened his stare, his face mimicking something etched in marble. “If you think I’m letting you go after some random guy, who broke into your hotel room, stole your shit, and might come back and do it again, you’re out of your damn mind.”

  “Letting me?” Her own anger started to bubble and take away her common sense. It was bad enough the ring was missing, but now this beast thought he could control her? Not a chance. “Who do you think you are? I’ll do what I want without your interference, you big oaf.”

  He snorted, and his expression suggested she’d just said all of that for her own benefit. He’d always stuck his nose wherever he damn well pleased without any care for how other people felt about it. It seemed that was his plan now as well.

  “Kenna.” He said her name like a promise. Without being able to control it, she shivered. God, she hated that rough voice that reminded her of aged whiskey and embers. She especially hated the way it made her want to do anything he commanded. “You know better than to fight me on this. Just tell me what I’m looking for. The faster you submit, the faster I’ll get it back.”

  “So you can get it back? If you think you’re going off without me on some wild goose chase like a big-footed Robin Hood, you are out of your damn mind.”

  Bryan’s eyes sparkled. “Big-footed Robin Hood?”

  “Forget it,” she said. “The point is, what was taken is mine, therefore I’m going after it.”

  “You’re not going alone,” he said, low and dangerous.

  She eyed him, taking in his protective stance, glowing blue eyes, and determined line of his mouth, and she knew any attempt to fight would be useless. When Bryan Tyke set his mind to something, he saw it all the way through. It was one of the things she’d loved most about him. His unwavering and single-minded determination.

  Knowing full well he’d interfere with any attempt she’d make in finding the suspect on her own, she decided to tell him. But first…

  She drank another long draw of her alcohol, and a second for good measure, then she blurted, “My mother’s sapphire ring. Not that you care, but that’s what was stolen.”

  Whatever he was expecting her to say, it wasn’t that. He’d just lifted his beer to his mouth, but as soon as her words came out, he lost hold of the bottle, and it hit the ground, a stream of beer trailing out into the sand. His skin paled instantly. “Your mother’s… The sapphire… The ring she gave us… The one we…”

  “Yes,” she said, turning away so he wouldn’t see her torn expression. “That one. So now that you know, if we’re going to recover it before the wedding, we need to discuss how to get started.”

  “Wait,” he said, panic coating his tone. “Before the wedding? What wedding? Not ours. We’re not getting married. That’s not happening.”

  He could’ve punched her for as hard as her chest ached. That’s right: they weren’t getting married. But the fact that the prospect seemed so appalling to him made her ill.

  His reaction suggested that marrying her would be the worst sort of fate.

  Why, exactly?

  No. She didn’t care. She’d stopped caring a long time ago.

  Keep not caring.

  “Not us,” she said a little snippier than she’d meant. “Sam and Ash. She and I promised each other whoever got married first would wear the ring as their something blue. Since you and I… Since we, uh… Since the ring is available, I insisted that Sam wear it on her big day. My mom would’ve wanted it that way.”

  He scratched the back of his neck as if he was trying to get caught up on the last few minutes.

  Rolling her eyes, she offered the caveman CliffsNotes version. “Blue ring is missing. Sam needs it for the wedding at the end of the week. We need to find it ASAP. Got it?”

  As far as he was concerned, Sammie did need it for her wedding and that was the only reason they had to get it back. It had nothing to do with the fact that deep down Kenna couldn’t stand to be without the only connection to her past—not only with her mom, but with Bear, too.

  The last thing she wanted was for him to think she’d brought the ring, and told him about it, because she hoped he’d once again slide it on her finger.

  He bent to pick up the empty beer bottle from the ground and set it on the bar. “Was anything else taken?”

  “Not that I could tell,” she said. “And the weird thing is, my room wasn’t disturbed at all. Like, you’d think my mattress would’ve been turned upside down. Drawers opened and things thrown all over. The only thing different was the drawer by the bed where I kept the ring box. It was left open. That’s it.”

  “If the person’s good, he won’t leave a trail,” he said. “Overturned mattresses and trashed rooms only happen in the movies.”

  The suspect knew where she’d placed the ring. Did that mean he’d scoped her out? Was it a guest at the wedding? Someone she knew?

  She tried to ignore the chill racing down her spine at the thought.

  “Was anyone in your room with you when you were putting things away? A bellhop or maid? Anyone who would know you put the ring in that dresser?”

  “No,” she said. “I mean, I opened the curtains and the balcony door, but our rooms are so high up. It’s not like someone could come in that way, right?”

  Their rooms were at least five stories up. Not impossible but not probable, either.

  A high-pitched squeal sounded, then an echoed tap, tap, tap.

  “Is this thing on?” Luke’s voice said through a chuckle. “How’s everyone feelin’?”

  The guests quieted from their private conversations to direct their attention to the stage, where Luke stood with an arm around his wife-to-be. The two looked so in love with each other, smiling and staring into each other’s eyes like they wanted to recite their vows right then and there. It was really sweet.

  Kenna gave a disappointed frown. “Guess we have to sit for dinner now. Want to meet up after and work out a plan of action?”

  “Sure,” he said, but the way he said it, so offhandedly, wasn’t reassuring.

  She started to walk toward her table, but his next comment made her stop. “I’m gonna see if anyone around here fits the description of the guy you saw. Make use of the time while we’re stuck here.”

  She spun to face him. “But, if you find a suspect, you aren’t going to do anything until you come find me and let me ID him, right?”

  He stared at her with a slight smirk.

  “Right?”

  Still nothing.

  “Bryan,” she demanded. “Say you’ll come get me.”

  “You’ll come get me.”

  She let out a growl she didn’t know she possessed. “You know what I meant.”

  “Calm yourself, woman.” He bent to speak into her ear with a gravelly voice. “I’ll come to you when I’m ready for you. Not a minute before.” And with that, he breezed past her with the gait of man who could command the world to do his bidding with a single
flick of his finger.

  And she knew from experience just how commanding those fingers could be.

  Chapter Four

  Tyke sat at his assigned table, waiting for the serving staff to bring pieces of some fruity cake the size of quarters. He had no interest in dessert, but he couldn’t get up until the end of the event. If he left early, it would raise a red flag, and then Luke and Ash would want to know why. He couldn’t tell them about Kenna’s ring because he didn’t want them to worry, and he sure as hell didn’t want to be a dick because he left early for no good reason. He was a douche sometimes but never intentionally to hurt his friends.

  So he sat, listening to Cass’s boss, Assistant Principal Myers or Miggers or something, going on about how the mayor of Baltimore had invited him to her house for dinner to get the AP’s personal thoughts on the direction of the inner-city school system. Tyke occasionally glanced in the direction of the couple from earlier, Richard and Claire, two tables over, noticing how as the evening progressed, their posture and demeanor declined. Worry was clear on both their faces.

  He kept his peripheral vision locked on Kenna as she floated around the area, smiling and conversing with others. Someone with an untrained eye would think she was just making small talk, but Tyke knew better. She was fishing for information that might lead to the suspect. As soon as she realized the person she was speaking with couldn’t help her, she politely smiled and moved on to the next.

  Kenna left a wake of sunshine behind her. Everyone she spoke with looked happier and more content as she bid them farewell. He used to love that about her. How easily she could work a room and make everyone around her immediately feel comfortable. Tyke, on the other hand, was only good at avoiding people and scaring little kids. Which came in handy with his job, but her talent would make it much easier to get information this week about the alleged theft.

  This week… He almost laughed. This week was going to suck. Dealing with his hot-as-fuck ex, who seemed to get even hotter in the last decade. Looking for a ring he was supposed to have slid on her finger as his wife. And now feeling like he needed to protect her from some faceless Joe who might break back in to her hotel room.