The Man I Want to Be Page 17

  He would give his life to go back to days like that.

  Chapter Sixteen

  “Where are you taking me?” Kenna asked, shuffling to keep up with Bear’s lively strides.

  With her hand in his, they cut across the backside of the resort and past the small community where Clint Azure lived. Bryan held a flashlight in one hand and a blanket he’d snatched from the top of the closet in his hotel room under his arm.

  “Seriously,” she said. “You’re freaking me out. The farther we walk, the darker it’s getting. If you had a shovel, I’d think you were bringing me out here to get even for throwing you off the roof.”

  He laughed, a rich, deep sound that caused her lower stomach to tighten. “Finally, you admit it.”

  “Bryan, I can’t walk that fast.” She hated admitting it, but it was the truth. One of his strides equated to at least three of hers. For the last twelve strides or so she’d been squeezing her toes in order to make sure her flip-flops didn’t fly off. “Can you slow down a bit?”

  Without commenting, he swung around, dropped his shoulder, threw her over it, and spun back around in one fluid move that made her head spin.

  “What are you doing?” she yelped. “That wasn’t code for I’m weak and helpless! I can walk on my own!”

  “You’re taking too long,” he said. “We’re going to miss it.”

  “Miss what?”

  Silently, he carried her—as if she only weighed a few pounds, mind you. The bastard wasn’t even breathing heavy—until they reached a dark, remote area of the island where darkness seemed to stretch on for miles. She could hear the soft crash of the ocean waves in front of her, though she couldn’t see it. She knew based on the direction they came that the resort was behind her, though it was too dark and quiet to prove it.

  They were alone. Just the two of them. While the rest of the world seemed miles away.

  Then he stopped and placed her on her feet.

  Bryan lifted the flashlight beam toward his face and grinned. “You ready?”

  “I might be more inclined to say yes if I knew what I needed to be ready for.”

  “Crabbing.”

  “Crabbing,” she echoed. “Certainly you don’t mean the act of catching crabs.”

  “Yep. And they only come out for a limited time, so we have to hurry if we’re gonna catch one.”

  “Catch one?” If he thought she was putting her hand anywhere near a fast-moving creature with sharp claws in the pitch black, he was out of his mind. She stared at him and let the silence pour over them long enough that he would pick up on her resistance.

  “It’ll be fun,” he said. “Come on.” With that, he spun and headed to their right—even farther from the resort.

  She crossed her arms. Screw that. It was too dark. With her luck, she’d step on one of the damn things, and it would chomp her toes off. She needed her toes. For balance. And for flip-flops. Yeah, she wasn’t risking it.

  Kenna watched his strobe of light grow more distant, and still she waited. She turned toward the resort, then looked in the direction of the ocean.

  Yep. She was holding her ground.

  Something made a sound. A scurry.

  Sand kicked up onto her bare foot.

  “Waaaahhhhh!” she screamed and took off. Kenna barreled into Bear’s back, nearly climbing him like a tree. Once she was perched on him, her legs wrapped around his waist, she stopped screaming.

  He laughed hard enough to rock his body.

  “What’s so funny?” she asked. “I could’ve died.”

  His laughter grew in intensity and a hand came around to cradle her butt. He squeezed, hard and possessive. “First off, I wouldn’t have let you die. And second…” He bent, causing her balance to shift forward. She peered over his shoulder at whatever he was picking up. He straightened and said, “The worst thing this harmless, little creature would’ve done was try to bury your feet in the sand.”

  She thought back to the small flick of sand that hit the top of her foot. “Really?”

  “Really,” he said. “Sand crabs don’t eat humans.” He paused, then, “Might have something to do with the fact that we’re ten times their size.”

  She smacked his shoulder as he laughed again. “It could happen. You never know.”

  “Could,” he said, shifting so she could dismount. “But won’t. I promise.” He shined the light on the white crab in his hand. It spanned about three inches. It looked like the ones they used to catch in the summer back home, just smaller, with tiny black marks on their shells.

  This one was feisty. He swung his claws around, snapping at Bryan each time he got his finger near.

  “You’re going to keep pissing him off until he finally gets ahold of you,” she said.

  “Nah, look.” Bryan shined the light on the crab. “He’s got a bum claw. He’s half a crab. He can’t do shit.”

  She took a closer look, seeing that his left claw was regular size, but the one on the right side of his body was tiny. He must have lost the original, full-size claw in an accident, and this was the slow-growing replacement.

  Poor thing. If she didn’t think he’d pinch the hell out of her, she’d cradle him and make him feel better about being picked on just because he was different.

  Bryan kept poking at the animal, the left claw now flying at Bryan’s fingers in fury. The smaller claw was much slower in its opening and closing snap.

  “Seriously, stop. He’s going to clip you. And then what?”

  “Then you’ll have to give me TLC again.” She didn’t have to see his satisfied smirk to know it was there.

  “I only offer first aid if it’s either my fault the person was hurt or if you really deserve it.”

  “And I wouldn’t deserve it? You wouldn’t save me if this vicious crab tried to bite me?” He peered down at her, and the way he turned the light, this time she did see his mouth curved into a smile.

  She looked up, intentionally letting her eyes go hooded as she slid one finger down the center of his chest. “Depends on where he bit you.”

  Bear lowered his face, not taking his eyes off her. “Yeah? Like where? Where would he have to bite?”

  “Hmm,” she mused. “I’m not very concerned with this.” She lightly grazed the outer edge of his ear.

  “Yeah, fuck it. I’ve got a spare.”

  “And your nose.” She ran her finger down the bridge, watching his eyes heat. “I don’t really need that, either.”

  He tossed the crab in the general direction of the water and stepped closer so their chests touched. “What do you need then? Tell me.”

  She reached for his waistband and hooked her hand inside. “I think you can guess.”

  “Yeah, but you know I like to hear—” He froze. Then his eyes opened wide. His smile dropped.

  “What?” she asked, taken back by his sudden change. “What is it?”

  “Motherfucker!” He leaped away, shaking his ankle like it was on fire.

  “What? Bryan, what happened?”

  “The little fucker bit me!” he yelled, dancing around on one foot. “Shit! It’s biting me! The fucking thing is still attached with his good claw!”

  She laughed. She couldn’t help it. It bubbled up, and there wasn’t any stopping it. He, of course, didn’t care for that reaction. When he’d finally shaken the thing off, he whirled on her with narrowed eyes.

  “You think that’s funny?” He stalked toward her. One step. Two. Then three. “I’m probably bleeding out right now, and you’re laughing.”

  “Oh, please,” she said, backing up. “I thought you said sand crabs don’t kill people.”

  “They don’t.” More steps toward her. “But accidents happen.”

  “True. But I think you’ll survive.” She retreated more, her heart starting up into a jog. She was enjoying this little cat-and-mouse game of theirs.

  “Maybe.”

  She stumbled but righted herself before she went down. He swiped a hand out toward h
er, but she spun around and started running. Her heart kicked into a full-out sprint, matching the pace of her feet, pumping excitement through her veins, which helped propel her forward.

  He caught up to her after a few seconds. His arms came around her, pulling her back against his chest. She squealed and tried to break free—not that she wanted to. Being in Bryan’s arms was the one and only place she’d ever wanted to be. But she put up a small struggle anyway.

  “Stop,” she said, wanting him to do just the opposite. “Your shoulder’s still hurt.”

  “Screw my shoulder.”

  His large palm coasted down her front, stopping at the zipper on her shorts. The other arm braced around her stomach like a steel band. He must’ve dropped the flashlight at some point during the pursuit because a faint line of light shown behind her in the sand.

  “I told you. You can’t outrun me,” he said into her ear. “I’ll always catch you.”

  “I know,” she said.

  “So you wanted me to?” His tone suggested he was pleased with that knowledge.

  “Maybe.”

  He made a thoughtful sound that reverberated against her back. “I think you like what happens after I catch you. That’s why you do it.”

  “Maybe,” she said again, knowing full well she absolutely loved what happened after.

  He must have known it, too, because she felt a tug at her shorts before her button and zipper were open and his hand was inside. He cupped her over her underwear, and she instantly melted against him. His hot mouth was at her ear, his hard body behind her, sending her pulse into a rhythm she’d forgotten it played. It was joy. Anticipation. This man completely owned her.

  “Kenna,” he said, with a purr of approval. “Ready for me again already?” The pad of one finger buried itself against the spot he could always find in the dark. The one that controlled all her responses—her body and her words. “How long, Kenna? How long have you been wet for me?”

  She mumbled her response.

  “Louder,” he commanded.

  “Right after we finished the last time, okay?” she said. “I wanted you back inside immediately after.”

  Another sound of approval that ramped her eagerness for him to unbearable levels. “How long do you think I should make you wait?”

  “You shouldn’t.” She placed a hand over his, urging him to apply more pressure. She was ready, and she wanted this. Wanted him.

  “I’m going to,” he said, stepping back and releasing her.

  Her body wilted, and her heart dropped. That familiar feeling of loss suffused her body, but before it could swallow her completely, Bear turned her around to face him.

  Gazing down at her with the moon casting enough glow for her to see his hesitant expression, he said, “I don’t wanna fuck tonight, Kenna.”

  She glanced away as her shoulders plummeted. Yeah, she’d already figured that.

  His finger urged her chin up so she’d look at him. Once she did, he said, “I still want you. More than you probably realize. But I want you in a way that means more. I want you in a way that makes me want to take my time and savor this moment. Savor you. I told you before, it can’t ever be like it was. When this week is over…” He paused and swallowed, looking more unsure than she’d ever seen him. “When we leave here, that’s it for us. You understand?”

  She nodded, even if it wasn’t the answer she wanted. She did it to urge him on. To find out what he was getting at.

  “When I said I don’t want to fuck,” he went on, “I meant I want to take it slow and love you the way you deserve. The way I should have when we were younger. When I didn’t know what I had to lose. If this is the last chance we get, I want to do it right.”

  Love? Did he just say love?

  Before she could ponder that thought too long, he placed his palm on her cheek, his thumb moving across her skin in slow, gentle circles. His look was so sweet, so genuine, he could’ve told her anything in that moment, and she would’ve gone along with it.

  And if tonight was all they had to get it right—to undo all the pain they’d endured over the last however many years, then she’d take it. She wanted him any way she could get him. Even if it was for one more night.

  “Bear,” she said.

  His hand moved from her cheek to the back of her neck, where he held tight and lowered his forehead to hers. His eyes squeezed shut like he was trying to either ward off a painful memory or savor it. “Kenna.”

  “Yes,” she said. “Yes. Please, Bear.”

  He opened his eyes, and the hopeful look he shot her nearly tore her in two. His lips came down on hers for a brief moment. Touching quickly as if to test the boundaries. Just like he’d done when they were kids. A nervous boy who knew what he wanted but didn’t know how to ask for it.

  Much like back then, she knew exactly how to get what she wanted.

  Kenna pulled his face down, holding his mouth on hers. She opened immediately, feeling that sudden rush the second his tongue swept in and met hers. This wasn’t a kiss of need or simple attraction. No, this was a kiss to end all kisses. It signified understanding and forgiveness. The past, present, and future all in one. They wouldn’t ever share this moment again, and they both knew it. There was nothing to win and nothing to lose. Nothing but the here and now. The two of them and the few final moments they had left together.

  Bear’s hand coasted down to her backside to cup her, and in one fluid motion, he lifted her so she could wrap her arms and legs around him. He walked back to the forgotten flashlight, never breaking the kiss. Kenna held onto him as if he might evaporate at any second. If she could hold tight enough, maybe this time he wouldn’t have to leave. He’d stay forever.

  He wrapped a solid arm around her as he bent, reaching for something in the sand. After a few seconds, he lowered them, placing her back on the ground. The soft cotton of the blanket he’d brought brushed against the backs of her legs and feet.

  Bryan positioned both hands on either side of her head, staring down at her. His eyes glittered and mouth slightly upturned. He covered her with his body, the familiar feeling of safety and home rushing back in an instant. This was where she belonged. With him and only him. He kissed her again—her mouth, cheek, neck.

  “I used to dream about this,” he said. “Having you out in the open, under the stars. It was the only place we never explored.”

  “Good thing we’re checking it off the list now then.”

  He chuckled. The hearty sound sending tremors through her that only served to heighten her desire. He moved down her body, kissing her chest, and then descending to her stomach. He lifted her shirt and placed his lips on the skin at her side. Then her other side. Then right above her shorts, making her writhe slightly. Slowly, her shirt crept up her stomach, past her bra, where she lifted her arms and head to let him take it off. She reached for his T-shirt, mimicking his movements, and divested him of the useless scrap of fabric. Her hands immediately went to his chest. The hard muscles that flexed with each movement. She trailed her fingers across his abs, enjoying the defined surface of peaks and valleys. He was strong and yet gentle. Slow and yet fast. All man, but still very much the boy she’d remembered. Everything was the same between them and yet it felt brand new, too.

  Bear kissed across her stomach again, reaching for her shorts. The button was already open from earlier, so she lifted, signaling her consent. He glided the fabric over her bottom and down her legs with ease. Kenna lay looking up at him in nothing but her bra and underwear, taking in the awe on his face and the beautiful glow of moonlight across his muscular body.

  “Your turn,” she said. “Bottoms off. Now.”

  One corner of his mouth lifted in smug approval. “Yes, ma’am.” Standing, he made quick work of his shorts.

  Once they were off, she took in the sight before her. He was bared to her. Completely. The magnificence of his body, hot and ready for her. The undeniable proof of how badly he desired her jutted thick and waiting between his
legs. The satisfaction that surged through her was euphoric. He wanted her. There was no denying that. She licked her lips and started to sit up, reaching for him. Wanting to taste him.

  “Not this time,” he said, stopping her.

  When she tilted her head in question, he said, “Slow and steady, remember?”

  Lowering herself onto her back, she spread her legs and ran a hand down her front, slipping her fingers inside her panties. She let out a small whimper. Even in the dim moonlight, she saw him eyes ignite.

  “Vixen,” he said. “I’m trying to do this right.”

  “You always do me right,” she said. “Always.”

  A deep, satisfied rumble erupted from him, as he looked down on her, all male, corded with muscle and want. It was the perfect vision. One she’d keep with her after tonight ended.

  “You going to stand up there all night,” she said. “Or are you going to do something with me? I mean, I’m enjoying the view, but I think I’d enjoy the feel of you more.”

  Another lift of his lips before he lowered himself, first to his knees, then to his hands as he crept up her body. An arm went behind her to unsnap her bra, then it went to her underwear. Both were off in seconds.

  “Finally,” she said. “I didn’t think you were ever going to—”

  Bryan braced his arms next to her shoulders and cradled her cheeks in his hand. He stared at her with an expression she couldn’t decipher. It was a beautiful mixture of confusion, amazement, and…love. It looked like love. The way he used to look at her.

  “Bryan.”

  “You’re everything,” he said. “Everything so perfect. Everything I don’t deserve.”

  “Don’t say that,” she said, sliding a long piece of hair behind his ear. “Of course you do.”

  He shifted his hips to position himself at her opening. “I don’t. But tonight you make me feel like I do.”